A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
