Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
