Apparently you make a good broom.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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