That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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