alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
