I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
