just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
