Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
