Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
