There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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