I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
