you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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