In America we eat man semen.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
