I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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