sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize