How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
