Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
