You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
