He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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