i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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