We won't sleep together?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
