Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
