Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Randomize
