hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
