No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
