Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
MIDGETS
????
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
