We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
