Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
