Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
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