If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
