i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
