david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
