we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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