5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
How external is "for external use only"?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
