Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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