My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
