Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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