I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Buhtt sex?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
