I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
