so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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