After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
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