He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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