I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
