I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm always down for nudity.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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