i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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