If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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