i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
