hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
