My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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