dude i'm inner monologue high
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
