puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
