I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize