I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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