You can't special order awesome
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
