Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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