I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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