I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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