i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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