I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
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