actually, I'm a sock model
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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