I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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