So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize