it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
