even my farts smell like vagina
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
