I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
