Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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