I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
