we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize