i think i have herpe
just one?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize