its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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