Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
