Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my sisters under your porch take her home
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
