do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
