He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
